Many a person is lost every day

And so I lost my brother many years before

Void and grief remained for his happiness to pray

As years  craved, curved and crafted

 into the deeper archives of our memory he drifted.

And then , many years later when these pieces of ceramic, I found

The work he had done for himself, for us and for the world around

An emotion of happiness and proud reminiscence were revived

‘…we leave our work and so we live in our work’ reverberated in my mind

…a brother's note 25 years later

Thank you Baba. 

We did the needful reading about the case. Unfortunately in this case the Dr S M (a renowned rheumatologist) made an error of judgement which may have been true with regard other doctors as well. It is not to say that he did not know his medicine. But the error led to a complication. And the worst occurred. The question and reason for the litigation started when his response/counselling to the family was poor. He apparently communicated the same in a very objective manner and washed his hands off the case. This was wrong. A heavy compensation amount was awarded due to the higher earning status of the patient. I only pray to my conscience, if in error it is better to confess and attempt to rectify. Both of us learned and reiterate this to ourselves.  

Our trip to Sangli for the state level Inspire award 2013

We started our trip in the morning at about 9:00 AM with all the project material on board including the fantastic bricks Tamaghna had made. We went to the hospital and later picked up Mr. Anthony (science teacher) from the police line area, Ratnagiri and started for Sangli. This was our first trip for the City and we were all planning a fun –trip. The weather was wet and cold with the wind screen fogging more from within due to condensation than the fog outside. I am a slow driver. I took my time to drive through the ghats of Kokan enjoying the beauty of shayadri. We talked of odds and ends and heard Michio Kaku on the CD talk of impossible science related to the near and far future. The air was full of science in mind. We saw and described so many small phenomenon of wind and breeze which displayed the beauty of daily life science as if try to understand what Prof Kaku had said about the a life without the knowledge of science. I no time we were in Kolhapur and halted at the Ayodhya hotel to have lunch.

From Kolhapur to Sangli was a travel via a road full of trenches which boldly declared the welcome into an old city. The twin city of Miraj and Sangli have often been called the city of the retired. It is known to be a calm and quite part of the state with sugar mills and fruit gardens. I didn’t take much time to reach the destination – Sangli high school where the registration needed to be done for the science exhibition. Indeed many people had come to the centre with many types of constructs to prove their little imaginations true- and so had Tamaghna.

The process of registration was short and quick and so was the place for display- this was better than the facilities available in the other centers. I remembered my childhood when I had attended one science exhibition. I too had wanted to participate to make a …. But did not do it. It remained in my dream and somebody else took the table away. The imagination did not die away. Years later I very well realized that the idea was already an area of well developed science and it was indeed a good idea but empty with out the math to back up. In such science exhibition there are always two types of evaluators – one who will be impressed by the practical utility of the machine or the final product and the other by the simple and simply the concept of the ides and its scientific evidence. How the both can be put forth in front of the critic is what has made a successful project.

We chose a hotel to stay- hotel sadananda- over night which was about 2 Km from the school.  The stay was not to stay without discomfort. We took some time out to review our project and slept over a story of ‘Ramesh and Ganpatesh’.

Log 21/09/2013

The morning broke early. It was a bright and sunny day and we freshened up quickly. Tamaghna was excited about the day to come. He enthusiastically prepared himself and clarified some of his doubts about the project. I could see the sparkling focus in him. He was confident and happy that he had made a Brick – a brick which till the present stage had stood all the recommended tests. We departed from the hotel and reached the school by about 9:00AM to setup our work. It was interesting to see the small and big thoughts that had been placed on display showing the diversity of thought that this country’s children had. I was intrigued by many a constructs of ploughing machines to weighing machines and cart made ambulance.

 It also gives us an idea of the need of people at the very grass root level. Laptops and smart phones somehow do not make there position here because the needs of the people appear to be very different for the everyday life. At about 4:30PM the examiner came and made a very cursory evaluation of the projects and left. Tamaghna was very disappointed since he was not heard enough. Well that’s part of the training – frustration tolerance. He has to learn it and work beyond the frustration so that his creativity doesn’t get killed. We ended the day by checking into another hotel, visiting the mall, eating and sleeping. Reflecting back to the emotions that we dealt with – making and breaking , winning and loosing , heard and not heard – it all culminated in our pursuit for being recognized as having done something – and something good. And this probably arises from our base fear of being told that “you have done nothing”. As a father I told my son that he has made a brick and it didn’t matter in any other way. We should learn to live with this conviction first so that our ability to think and make more doesn’t get sacrificed. Tomorrow is another day. 

Log 22/09/2013

Yes, tomorrow is another day and it inevitable comes as to today. We woke to freshen and feel nice for the days exhibition. We spent time getting ready and left the hotel for breakfast at the nearby joint – Navratna. We enjoyed south Indian food and then walked to the exhibition venue. The day was warm but pleasant with the early morning hustle and bustle yet to start on the city roads. It was a short distance to the Sangli high school. 

The mood the day before was one of dejection and disappointment. But Tamaghna had already decided that he was no longer going feel depressed. He had decided to enjoy the day and later submit the project to the website of the ‘ Department of Science and Technology”. But soon after reaching the atmosphere started getting tense and boring. The same anxiety and the same complaints started. The announcements were organized for certain districts which made us feel even worse because we felt ignored. Tamaghna was completely dejected and depressed. He hardly wanted to wait any more. Mr Anthony was generous enough to give him words of confidence and support. He gave him cautious hopes of a 2^nd round of evaluation. At about 4:00 noon Tamaghna went to see another project and suddenly in the most unexpected of situations the examiners turned up for inspection of his project. I was not sure which way he had gone. So I started to run towards the staircase. I grouped for the phone and tried to call him. The first time it did not connect. I rechecked the phone number and connected again and Tamaghna picked the call. He came running to the project site and demonstrate the project. Apparently , according to Dr Deshpande , he did perform well. Most important, he had no more complaints because the examiners had heard him this time. Depressions settled for Tamaghna and he started taking care of his friends – Atharva’ s feelings. In a few minutes they were back to play. The evening was the full of fun at the Mall and the coffee corner. We  slept well exhausted waiting for the next day to come.

Log 24/09/2013

As I write this part of the trips notes – everything regarding the exhibitions results appear to have finished. Tamaghna is out of the race and plotted out in the smart manner. He was cheated of his chance to go to a higher level when he deserved to. Anyway I shall leave the part related to complainting to destiny and see what we could learn. The day started with a feeling of freshness and enthusiasm. Somewhere I could feel that Tamaghna was uncomfortable – he was not sure about the selection. We had breakfast and were back to the venue. We setup the project and it was declared that a revision round for the sake of students are to be held. The examiners came and saw the projects. Tamaghna’s project was not seen this time. They said that everything was planned. Well what happened thereafter is a depressing experience and a shame at the ideas of scientific spirit. We were  not selected and we were told that all the effort to write a scientific report was a waste and unimportant. Anything other than sincerity could work. The return journey was difficult and distressing with all four of us quite and disappointed. We learnt that many things need to be taken care beyond the normal effort. We have to be smart if we were to be able to fight these dangers to science. In this whole event Tamaghna and my self kept up the hope that may be we need to improve our project better and present it in some better place and better time. We sent a copy of our work to Dr Abdul Kalam in order to feel heard. Rest we leave to what our destiny reveals.

22/08/2013

I am hopelessly stuck with internalization. The events unwinding in my life during the last 2 years are adversely affecting me. I want to get beck to the last days when I was happy and successful. I was triumphant and rejoiced what ever I did irrespective of the outcome. If I am to think back , I don’t recollect those days in the near past. During the last 8 to 10 years, I appear to be gradually rolling down onto a slope smudged with shame and failure. There is much in repentance. The world is not seeing much of it or perhaps they are not bothered about it. But for me these nights are not silent. I am scared of a deeper night. I await for the new light to come – and I don’t know when it shall. 

 

25/08/2013

Mr Sachin Sarolkar invited us to his 10 years completion of learning point. It was an eye opener about the amount of work he was doing and the strength and drive a person can have in doing the work he wants to do. He is a tireless person with a multitude of activity. During the whole event and for that matter, during the last few years that I know him I realized his physical handicap to be a very small matter. Much greater was the broad shoulder with which he was carrying his responsibilities.

8/05/2013

I would call it a precious day if memories were the currency of our time line. After 15 years I revisited a place which was where a transition phase of my life began. Why I didn’t visit it before, I wouldn't be able to say it now. I went to  my college days in LTMMC , Sion hospital Mumbai. There was a rush of nostalgic feelings which I certainly enjoyed. I saw the council room where my association with my wife began. For us this should be the true place of remembrance. Yogita appeared to remember certain instances better than me.  I wanted to go up to visit the anatomy department but we decided not to. And then we walked the distance from sion Hospital to sion station – something we have done many times. We have talked  odds and ends and left no chance to start a fight. I remembered the way Yogita would want to buy a greeting card from the Archie’s shop. The shop has moved to another corner. The bus stops , the small street side shops , Gurukrupa hotel , we revisited recollections of many small incidents of our adolescence. Those were the days when we lived with great emotional support from each other. And we also realized how different it was now...  

The walk together

father and son. [digital hand sketch]

We walked together, my father and me

A feather from nowhere flew in front of us

With an expression of deep pleasure 

For the feather to rest, my father held his palms together

He said he knew the quill well, long before I was born.

It was the belonging of a bird who lives many stories

And someday disappears to return to the child who will be to follow.

This bird is mine and the feather carries memories

I was intrigued at the mention of memories and immediately requested

What else does the feather say?

As he  read the feather and the message was as follows

There is a decoration  about which we are to be proud

The owner was unpretentious and kept the matter in humble mention

He lived a mundane life with the common success and errors in  his mind

He assured his father was never disrespected

 Because to the common he was reputed

As years passed the little piece of metal was safely kept away into a common mans chest

I was shown this piece when I was a child

and often had a feeling  of pride

With time I too lost the thought

to some part of my pleasant memory.

In the meantime the tinker lay in the darkness of the chest quietly

So dark it was that a generation passed by

Lonely and untouched it thought it was lost to the abysmal depth of the timeless

And look now this feather has reminded me of the forgotten medal.

They who forgot to value, forgot it even existed

And quietly we walked along

I could feel my father feel his begetter

On inquiry I was able to retrieve the medal from an aunt who loved me.

She was prompt to give it to me as a family memoire

When I showed my father his lost inheritance

there was a face flushed with memories

But once I saw the eyes of a son

the pleasure of being identified through his father

Nearly a century later the tinker found its value

as a memory keeper  to our family

And with silent pride in the heavens he heard – we love you father.

As we walked the stretch talking about the medal

My attention was drawn off the feather

I realized that it had disappeared and my father’s hand was by his side following the swing of his stride.

To my surprise he reassured that the feather will come back at another time

When I shall walk the stretch with my son

 to remind me of something I will have forgotten

and hence is preserved the link – not in the object with the memory

but the bird who sheds a  feather in its flight

Pratyush Chaudhuri 2018

letter from father to son

This is a very special letter in this era of email and cellular phone. This is a letter containing high dilution medicine from a inorganic chemist father to his neurosurgeon son for a corn on his foot. Deep concern for sons illness, insight about the science of high dilution chemistry and a conviction about therapeutic potential is reflected in this envelope. This will be my greatest memento from my father to me.