13/09/2012
Spine conference 2012, chennai
The live workshop was held today at the Madras Medical college. It was a experience after 7 years. I meet colleagues whom I didnt remmember and yet they were glade to meet me. I was also happy to se the surgeries done by our colleague surgeon, Dr suresh Babu , Dr Parthiban , were procedures done to make understanding easy. But dr Satish and dr Vivek Patkar appeared to make things difficult. I found that a lot of colleagues had never done the anterior cervical approach to the CV jtn and were amused by the procedure. I only wish Dr Patkar would have organised his instruments before starting the procedure. Criticisms apart , the experience was only suggestive of revival of confidence. Maybe one day I shall be able to do it my self at Ratnagiri. Hope to see more work tomorrow.
15/099/2012
yesterday was busy followed by the bharatnatyam dance programme and the dinner get togetther. I was exhausted by the time we reached home. I was also anxious about the e-poster to be presented. Today was a day of mixed experience. I was thrilled by the lecture of Dr atul Goel. He is a dynamic speaker though not really a good speaker. The flow was abruptly taking on energy with intervals of an effort to relive. But he had a concept. The entire hall was convinced about the concept he had , some agreed , some challanged and others surprisingly refused to accept because it was atul goel. I was impressed , not only because it a professor whom I adored , but because it was carring the seed of a similar idea after my observations during the few lumbar discectomies that I have done till date. Some how I was never convinced that elaborate procedures was not natures way to deal with the problem. Something else – very simple and specific was the solution. Why was it that there were nnerve endings in the annulus and the capsule of the facet joints. May be it was natures way of taking care of the funcctionally more important mechanics of the body and the spine. If could maintain the disc space none of our problems would occur and similarly if the facets were maintained may be much of the progressibe degenerative disease could be avoided.
The e-pooster was the next to come . I was one of the 19 who was not neurosurgical. All the others came from good centers or rather large centers. At one moment I was almost going to quit the presentation. But I counted backwards. The worst could be an embarassment but not giving the presentation will be like being a quitter. And I no longer wanted to be a quitter- and I stayed back, I spoke and I finished. Nothing happened. I had been able to tell a few more people in the world about the need to prevent injury to the spine of children during sport training.
17/09/2012
I am reaching home nearly 36hrs after the conference. Good I could spend some time with my parents – always hopeful to see my better days. In recent days I have realised , they have become more contended with what ever I able to do and shower their blessings on me and my family in all the possible ways. Gone are those days of comparison with what the world is doing and who has become what. Sometimes it makes me uncomfortable about their change and and I feel I could go back to the days I have already lived. Atleast I know how they were. I have this ever existing discomfort about something worse to come. In spite of many efforts to generate the optimism to live in the future I yearn for the past- even the worst patch of it , simply because I know what is going to happen and nothing is going to come to me as a surprise. I have often felt that surprises are terribe events. They make you accomodate to another change in the proces of life. I detest the idea of breaking a continuty of events with its small fluctuations and anticipatable changes. I wonder what gave rise to this fear and anxiety for the events to come ?
I did enrich myself with the wide variety of information I was able to gather and understand during the conference. It was going back to the days in college when I was grossly involved with the ccare of patients and carried away by the thought of how to care for the grief of the patients and people around me. I realise today that there was a segment of nurosurgery which I had paid little attention to. I also realised that nothing was too late. The lectures , the debate and the cadaveric workshop were all telling me that it is just a matter of getting back to work whic meant reading as well as operating. Loneliness will no longer be the reason ot take refuge in excuses. I have a plethora of information and tools which can come in good use.
I was sort of emotional about my presentation at the e-poster. It has been a long period since I had felt that the two of us would be able to do scientific work together. I dont have an answere to why I felt and as yet feel so. I dosent have a strong social reason that the colleague with me will also feel the same. My enthusiam was very poorly responded – or atleast so I felt. It worries me that the we are no doubt differing in our areas of interest and the drift was only temporarily stalled and proximated. I fear the future – I fear a distance which I am becoming more and more convinced is bound to happen. It is because of the difference in the basic personalities. Why and how a person tolerates another conflicting persona in life should be a mystry asmuch as the day , time and the period when they decide to diverge. It is a deep fear in me that we are in the process of increasing our difference. But I fear more the day when I shall loose this anxiety. I may relieve me of my distress but itt will break a thread which to this day I adore and respect somuch. Fear anger, craving eventually will give rise to extreme emotional blunt state with no further need for the object for craving. Atleast today I fear and for once I am happy - I fear because I love.
19/09/2012
I am back to my work after the conference at chennai. Well, i still feel good about a lot of things related to my profession. The need to persue my objectives is as yet strong. At home , I am feeling positive. There are a number of contradictions of thought in mind about many issues which often I am unable todefine or distinguish between personal , social or professional. Dr Goels Lecture continues to haunt me – sometimes about it impossibility and sometimes about its brilliance. It is not only a philosophy in spinal disease, but also a general theory in concept of life. The problem is often not in what we see but in what we are unable to visualize. There is more in it than i had cognised during the lecture time.
Spine conference 2012, chennai
The live workshop was held today at the Madras Medical college. It was a experience after 7 years. I meet colleagues whom I didnt remmember and yet they were glade to meet me. I was also happy to se the surgeries done by our colleague surgeon, Dr suresh Babu , Dr Parthiban , were procedures done to make understanding easy. But dr Satish and dr Vivek Patkar appeared to make things difficult. I found that a lot of colleagues had never done the anterior cervical approach to the CV jtn and were amused by the procedure. I only wish Dr Patkar would have organised his instruments before starting the procedure. Criticisms apart , the experience was only suggestive of revival of confidence. Maybe one day I shall be able to do it my self at Ratnagiri. Hope to see more work tomorrow.
15/099/2012
yesterday was busy followed by the bharatnatyam dance programme and the dinner get togetther. I was exhausted by the time we reached home. I was also anxious about the e-poster to be presented. Today was a day of mixed experience. I was thrilled by the lecture of Dr atul Goel. He is a dynamic speaker though not really a good speaker. The flow was abruptly taking on energy with intervals of an effort to relive. But he had a concept. The entire hall was convinced about the concept he had , some agreed , some challanged and others surprisingly refused to accept because it was atul goel. I was impressed , not only because it a professor whom I adored , but because it was carring the seed of a similar idea after my observations during the few lumbar discectomies that I have done till date. Some how I was never convinced that elaborate procedures was not natures way to deal with the problem. Something else – very simple and specific was the solution. Why was it that there were nnerve endings in the annulus and the capsule of the facet joints. May be it was natures way of taking care of the funcctionally more important mechanics of the body and the spine. If could maintain the disc space none of our problems would occur and similarly if the facets were maintained may be much of the progressibe degenerative disease could be avoided.
The e-pooster was the next to come . I was one of the 19 who was not neurosurgical. All the others came from good centers or rather large centers. At one moment I was almost going to quit the presentation. But I counted backwards. The worst could be an embarassment but not giving the presentation will be like being a quitter. And I no longer wanted to be a quitter- and I stayed back, I spoke and I finished. Nothing happened. I had been able to tell a few more people in the world about the need to prevent injury to the spine of children during sport training.
17/09/2012
I am reaching home nearly 36hrs after the conference. Good I could spend some time with my parents – always hopeful to see my better days. In recent days I have realised , they have become more contended with what ever I able to do and shower their blessings on me and my family in all the possible ways. Gone are those days of comparison with what the world is doing and who has become what. Sometimes it makes me uncomfortable about their change and and I feel I could go back to the days I have already lived. Atleast I know how they were. I have this ever existing discomfort about something worse to come. In spite of many efforts to generate the optimism to live in the future I yearn for the past- even the worst patch of it , simply because I know what is going to happen and nothing is going to come to me as a surprise. I have often felt that surprises are terribe events. They make you accomodate to another change in the proces of life. I detest the idea of breaking a continuty of events with its small fluctuations and anticipatable changes. I wonder what gave rise to this fear and anxiety for the events to come ?
I did enrich myself with the wide variety of information I was able to gather and understand during the conference. It was going back to the days in college when I was grossly involved with the ccare of patients and carried away by the thought of how to care for the grief of the patients and people around me. I realise today that there was a segment of nurosurgery which I had paid little attention to. I also realised that nothing was too late. The lectures , the debate and the cadaveric workshop were all telling me that it is just a matter of getting back to work whic meant reading as well as operating. Loneliness will no longer be the reason ot take refuge in excuses. I have a plethora of information and tools which can come in good use.
I was sort of emotional about my presentation at the e-poster. It has been a long period since I had felt that the two of us would be able to do scientific work together. I dont have an answere to why I felt and as yet feel so. I dosent have a strong social reason that the colleague with me will also feel the same. My enthusiam was very poorly responded – or atleast so I felt. It worries me that the we are no doubt differing in our areas of interest and the drift was only temporarily stalled and proximated. I fear the future – I fear a distance which I am becoming more and more convinced is bound to happen. It is because of the difference in the basic personalities. Why and how a person tolerates another conflicting persona in life should be a mystry asmuch as the day , time and the period when they decide to diverge. It is a deep fear in me that we are in the process of increasing our difference. But I fear more the day when I shall loose this anxiety. I may relieve me of my distress but itt will break a thread which to this day I adore and respect somuch. Fear anger, craving eventually will give rise to extreme emotional blunt state with no further need for the object for craving. Atleast today I fear and for once I am happy - I fear because I love.
19/09/2012
I am back to my work after the conference at chennai. Well, i still feel good about a lot of things related to my profession. The need to persue my objectives is as yet strong. At home , I am feeling positive. There are a number of contradictions of thought in mind about many issues which often I am unable todefine or distinguish between personal , social or professional. Dr Goels Lecture continues to haunt me – sometimes about it impossibility and sometimes about its brilliance. It is not only a philosophy in spinal disease, but also a general theory in concept of life. The problem is often not in what we see but in what we are unable to visualize. There is more in it than i had cognised during the lecture time.
No comments:
Post a Comment